Assertiveness
Assertiveness is a particular mode of communication. Dorland's Medical
Dictionary defines assertiveness as:
a form of behavior characterized by a confident declaration or
affirmation of a statement without need of proof; this affirms the person's
rights or point of view without either aggressively threatening the rights of
another (assuming a position of dominance) or submissively permitting another to
ignore or deny one's rights or point of view.
During
the second half of the 20th century, assertiveness was increasingly singled out
as a behavioral skill taught by many personal development experts, behavior
therapists, and cognitive behavioral therapists. Assertiveness is often linked
to self-esteem. The term and concept was popularized to the general public by
books such as Your Perfect Right: A Guide to Assertive Behavior (1970) by Robert
E. Alberti, and When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How To Cope Using the Skills of
Systematic Assertiveness Therapy (1975) by Manuel J.
Smith.
Training
Joseph Wolpe
originally explored the use of assertiveness as a means of "reciprocal
inhibition" of anxiety, in his 1958 book on treating neurosis; and it has since
been commonly employed as an intervention in behavior therapy. Assertiveness
Training ("AT") was introduced by Andrew Salter (1961) and popularized by Joseph
Wolpe. Wolpe's belief was that a person could not be both assertive and anxious
at the same time, and thus being assertive would inhibit anxiety. The goals of
assertiveness training include:
increased awareness of personal
rights
differentiation between non-assertiveness and
assertiveness
differentiation between passive–aggressiveness and
aggressiveness
learning both verbal and non-verbal assertiveness
skills.
As a
communication style and strategy, assertiveness is thus distinguished from both
aggression and passivity. How people deal with personal boundaries, their own
and those of other people, helps to distinguish between these three concepts.
Passive communicators do not defend their own personal boundaries and thus allow
aggressive people to abuse or manipulate them through fear. Passive
communicators are also typically not likely to risk trying to influence anyone
else. Aggressive people do not respect the personal boundaries of others and
thus are liable to harm others while trying to influence them. A person
communicates assertively by overcoming fear of speaking his or her mind or
trying to influence others, but doing so in a way that respects the personal
boundaries of others. Assertive people are also willing to defend themselves
against aggressive people.
Communication
Assertive
communication involves respect for the boundaries of oneself and others. It also
presumes an interest in the fulfillment of needs and wants through
cooperation.
According to
the textbook Cognitive Behavior Therapy (2008), "Assertive communication of
personal opinions, needs, and boundaries has been ... conceptualized as the
behavioral middle ground, lying between ineffective passive and aggressive
responses". Such communication "emphasizes expressing feelings forthrightly, but
in a way that will not spiral into aggression".
If others'
actions threaten one's boundaries, one communicates this to prevent
escalation.
In contrast,
"aggressive communication" judges, threatens, lies, breaks confidences,
stonewalls, and violates others' boundaries.
At the
opposite end of the dialectic is "passive communication". Victims may passively
permit others to violate their boundaries. At a later time, they may come back
and attack with a sense of impunity or righteous
indignation.
Assertive
communication attempts to transcend these extremes by appealing to the shared
interest of all parties; it "focuses on the issue, not the person". Aggressive
and/or passive communication, on the other hand, may mark a relationship's end,
and reduce self-respect.
Assertive
people
Assertive
people tend to have the following characteristics:
They feel free to express
their feelings, thoughts, and desires.
They are "also able to initiate and
maintain comfortable relationships with people"
They know their
rights.
They have control over their anger. This does not mean that they
repress this feeling; it means that they control anger and talk about it in a
reasoning manner.
"Assertive people Bold text... are willing to compromise
with others, rather than always wanting their own way ... and tend to have good
self-esteem".
"Assertive people enter friendships from an 'I count my needs.
I count your needs' position".
Dictionary defines assertiveness as:
a form of behavior characterized by a confident declaration or
affirmation of a statement without need of proof; this affirms the person's
rights or point of view without either aggressively threatening the rights of
another (assuming a position of dominance) or submissively permitting another to
ignore or deny one's rights or point of view.
During
the second half of the 20th century, assertiveness was increasingly singled out
as a behavioral skill taught by many personal development experts, behavior
therapists, and cognitive behavioral therapists. Assertiveness is often linked
to self-esteem. The term and concept was popularized to the general public by
books such as Your Perfect Right: A Guide to Assertive Behavior (1970) by Robert
E. Alberti, and When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How To Cope Using the Skills of
Systematic Assertiveness Therapy (1975) by Manuel J.
Smith.
Training
Joseph Wolpe
originally explored the use of assertiveness as a means of "reciprocal
inhibition" of anxiety, in his 1958 book on treating neurosis; and it has since
been commonly employed as an intervention in behavior therapy. Assertiveness
Training ("AT") was introduced by Andrew Salter (1961) and popularized by Joseph
Wolpe. Wolpe's belief was that a person could not be both assertive and anxious
at the same time, and thus being assertive would inhibit anxiety. The goals of
assertiveness training include:
increased awareness of personal
rights
differentiation between non-assertiveness and
assertiveness
differentiation between passive–aggressiveness and
aggressiveness
learning both verbal and non-verbal assertiveness
skills.
As a
communication style and strategy, assertiveness is thus distinguished from both
aggression and passivity. How people deal with personal boundaries, their own
and those of other people, helps to distinguish between these three concepts.
Passive communicators do not defend their own personal boundaries and thus allow
aggressive people to abuse or manipulate them through fear. Passive
communicators are also typically not likely to risk trying to influence anyone
else. Aggressive people do not respect the personal boundaries of others and
thus are liable to harm others while trying to influence them. A person
communicates assertively by overcoming fear of speaking his or her mind or
trying to influence others, but doing so in a way that respects the personal
boundaries of others. Assertive people are also willing to defend themselves
against aggressive people.
Communication
Assertive
communication involves respect for the boundaries of oneself and others. It also
presumes an interest in the fulfillment of needs and wants through
cooperation.
According to
the textbook Cognitive Behavior Therapy (2008), "Assertive communication of
personal opinions, needs, and boundaries has been ... conceptualized as the
behavioral middle ground, lying between ineffective passive and aggressive
responses". Such communication "emphasizes expressing feelings forthrightly, but
in a way that will not spiral into aggression".
If others'
actions threaten one's boundaries, one communicates this to prevent
escalation.
In contrast,
"aggressive communication" judges, threatens, lies, breaks confidences,
stonewalls, and violates others' boundaries.
At the
opposite end of the dialectic is "passive communication". Victims may passively
permit others to violate their boundaries. At a later time, they may come back
and attack with a sense of impunity or righteous
indignation.
Assertive
communication attempts to transcend these extremes by appealing to the shared
interest of all parties; it "focuses on the issue, not the person". Aggressive
and/or passive communication, on the other hand, may mark a relationship's end,
and reduce self-respect.
Assertive
people
Assertive
people tend to have the following characteristics:
They feel free to express
their feelings, thoughts, and desires.
They are "also able to initiate and
maintain comfortable relationships with people"
They know their
rights.
They have control over their anger. This does not mean that they
repress this feeling; it means that they control anger and talk about it in a
reasoning manner.
"Assertive people Bold text... are willing to compromise
with others, rather than always wanting their own way ... and tend to have good
self-esteem".
"Assertive people enter friendships from an 'I count my needs.
I count your needs' position".